Ask Gabriel: Parents and Testosterone

Ask Gabriel is an advice column series where you can get your questions answered about being transgender, coming out, changing your name, hormones, sexuality, representation, dating, etc. These are questions that have been submitted to me by transgender and nonbinary people! You can read my last column here.

Hi Gabriel,

I came out socially as a binary transgender man about a year ago, with my name changed and everything. But because I’m in the UK and/or trying to move out, I am unable to start my medical transition for a number of years (probably 3-5). I’m 21 and it’s killing me that I don’t pass and I really don’t know what to do. I feel so desperate and isolated because you have to wait so long to see a gender specialist here. I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it. – Scott

There’s many things you can do while waiting for testosterone. You can try and practice making your voice lower, which might help you pass better. And seeing as how you don’t have anyone to talk to about this, I would highly suggest going to nearby transgender support groups so you can build connections and possibly make new friends. Who knows, you might meet someone else who is in the exact same position that you are in! Never underestimate the power of community, friend. šŸ™‚

If attending real life support groups might be too much for you, you can also join my Facebook group. While the group is largely US-based, we do have people here from the UK! Continue reading

Ask Gabriel: Choosing Names and Binders

Ask Gabriel is an advice column series where you can get your questions answered about being transgender, coming out, changing your name, hormones, sexuality, representation, dating, etc. These are questions that have been submitted to me by transgender and nonbinary people! You can read my last column here.

Hi Gabriel,

I’ve been wearing a binding since I was 17. I’m 28 now and it worries me to wear long-term. Any suggestions or sites that sell bindings for a decent price ? I’ve thought about top surgery as well, but nothing beyond that. Any insight works. – Anonymous

It would depend on what you mean by decent price. Budget friendly? I would recommend either GC2b or Underworks for a binder. I personally used GC2b as their binders are more comfortable but I find that Underworks is better for those with bigger chests.

Hi Gabriel,

I identify as nonbinary. I go to a university and I want to start an educational project for people to understand nonbinary folx. I also want to start a group for nonbinary students on campus. I’m not too sure on how to go about doing so however. Can you please give me some tips on how I can carry out those projects/ what I should do? I would appreciate this so much!! – Skyler

To start a support group, you’ll need to go through the proper channels at your university. You need to propose a group, explain why this group should be formed and do all the necessary paperwork. I would go to the student government (if applicable) and ask about the process of forming groups/clubs. Continue reading

Ask Gabriel: Coming Out and Binding

Ask Gabriel is an advice column series where you can get your questions answered about being transgender, coming out, changing your name, hormones, sexuality, representation, dating, etc. These are questions that have been submitted to me by transgender and nonbinary people! You can read my last column here.

Hi Gabriel,

How did you come out to your parents as transgender? – Anonymous

I didn’t come out by my own choice. I was forced.

Well, let’s go back roughly 3 summers ago. It was my birthday and we were celebrating it along with Father’s Day at a Mexican restaurant. My dad and I had a silent treatment going on. My uncle, once again, made unwelcoming comments towards the way I dressed and that I was “too pretty” to be wearing only denim jeans and a T-shirt. I endured that kind of talk for many years but hearing it again basically put me in a foul mood and I was in no shape to be around people. I ignored my uncle for the rest of the night but it did not go unnoticed by my parents. After we came home, my mother wasted no time trying to find an answer. i kept telling her it was NOTHNG (I was a bad liar then) but she was unrelenting. At some point, I cracked and blurted out I was transgender and didn’t appreciate the comments my uncle made. My mom’s reaction was “Oh, that’s it?” but she wasn’t supportive about it. I never came out to my dad because of the aforementioned silent treatment but my mom thought it was best to tell him right away and she said he didn’t want me to do anything to my body. I went ahead against their wishes anyways.

3 years later, I still wouldn’t call them my biggest supporters. šŸ˜¦ Continue reading