Ask Gabriel: Losing Weight and Children

Ask Gabriel: Losing Weight and Children

Ask Gabriel is an advice column series where you can get your questions answered about being transgender, coming out, changing your name, hormones, sexuality, representation, dating, etc. These are questions that have been submitted to me by transgender and nonbinary people! You can read my last column here.

Hi Gabriel,

How did you lose weight? I’m so round and have huge hips and I want to know how to get rid of that? – Anonymous

Losing weight is more about what you eat than what you do at the gym though cardio exercise will certainly accelerate the results. However, I cannot stress enough the importance of cleaning up your diet because that is what will make or break your results. To lose weight, the calories you consume must be lower than the calories you use.ย  Also, you cannot spot reduce certain parts of your body – you have to aim for lowering your bodyfat percentarge all over. If you have wide hipbones, however, no amount of dieting and exercise can changeย  that.

I would highly recommend Bodybuilding.com to get you started and using MyFitnessPal for tracking your food and calories consumed daily. Even starting a daily food journal can help!

Please keep in mind that this is a lifestyle change and not something you can do for a few weeks and then go back to your old eating habits because then your body will go back to the way it was. You visualize your goal, make a diet/workout plan and STICK WITH IT! I wish you the best of luck in your journey. Continue reading “Ask Gabriel: Losing Weight and Children”

Ask Gabriel: Coming Out and Binding

Ask Gabriel: Coming Out and Binding

Ask Gabriel is an advice column series where you can get your questions answered about being transgender, coming out, changing your name, hormones, sexuality, representation, dating, etc. These are questions that have been submitted to me by transgender and nonbinary people! You can read my last column here.

Hi Gabriel,

How did you come out to your parents as transgender? – Anonymous

I didn’t come out by my own choice. I was forced.

Well, let’s go back roughly 3 summers ago. It was my birthday and we were celebrating it along with Father’s Day at a Mexican restaurant. My dad and I had a silent treatment going on. My uncle, once again, made unwelcoming comments towards the way I dressed and that I was “too pretty” to be wearing only denim jeans and a T-shirt. I endured that kind of talk for many years but hearing it again basically put me in a foul mood and I was in no shape to be around people. I ignored my uncle for the rest of the night but it did not go unnoticed by my parents. After we came home, my mother wasted no time trying to find an answer. i kept telling her it was NOTHNG (I was a bad liar then) but she was unrelenting. At some point, I cracked and blurted out I was transgender and didn’t appreciate the comments my uncle made. My mom’s reaction was “Oh, that’s it?” but she wasn’t supportive about it. I never came out to my dad because of the aforementioned silent treatment but my mom thought it was best to tell him right away and she said he didn’t want me to do anything to my body. I went ahead against their wishes anyways.

3 years later, I still wouldn’t call them my biggest supporters. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ Continue reading “Ask Gabriel: Coming Out and Binding”

Ask Gabriel: Facial Hair and Popularity

Ask Gabriel: Facial Hair and Popularity

Ask Gabriel is an advice column series where you can get your questions answered about being transgender, coming out, changing your name, hormones, sexuality, representation, dating, etc. These are questions that have been submitted to me by transgender and nonbinary people! You can read my last column here.

Hi Gabriel,

I’m just under 6 months on T and I’m wondering if there’s a recommended date or wait time for starting minoxidil? – Sydney

As someone who is currently using minoxidil, I personally wouldn’t recommend starting minoxidil for at least a year on testosterone. The reason for that is because facial hair usually doesn’t show up much in the first year (I actually got the most growth after that) and most of the growth you get while using minoxidil may just be testosterone doing its work. In other words, it’s too early! Also, facial hair is still dependent on genetics even when using products to stimulate facial hair. Minoxidil can only do so much – if there’s no hair follicles hidden under the skin to stimulate, it will have no effect.

Remember to read up on all its side effects before starting it!

Hi Gabriel,

If you went on hormones to look male but then go by non binary, what is the point? There isn’t nothing feminine about you, you look like a man to me. How would someone even know to call you they/them? – Derek

Gender expression does NOT equal gender identity, friend. Continue reading “Ask Gabriel: Facial Hair and Popularity”

Ask Gabriel: Dating and Books

Ask Gabriel: Dating and Books

Ask Gabriel is an advice column series where you can get your questions answered about being transgender, coming out, changing your name, hormones, sexuality, representation, dating, etc. These are questions that have been submitted to me by transgender and nonbinary people! You can read my last column here.

Hi Gabriel,

Do you have any advice for intra-community dating? I think for now I am only interested in dating other trans people, at least while I am early in transition. Since the community is so small IRL, I’m worried that if I dated someone and we had a bad breakup, I wouldn’t feel comfortable going to trans events (support groups, etc.) for fear of seeing them. – Anonymous

Dating is more or less the same. You just get out there, indulge in your interests, attend events geared towards transgender folks and just let everything take its natural course. The only big difference is that once you reach a certain point in the relationship, communication is crucial – especially when it comes to having sex where you need to establish boundaries of what is and what is NOT allowed be to touched.

That being said, there’s no need to rush trying to find someone; forming bonds takes time and even if you don’t click with someone on a romantic level, at least you made some friends that might introduce you to other awesome transgender people. And in the chance that you and someone date for a while and break up, it won’t be awkward in going to transgender events because people are there to celebrate our accomplishments, give support and make friends and not indulge in drama that doesn’t involve them. And if they do indulge, it’s best to look elsewhere for support because that’s just bullying.

Good luck and be safe out there! Continue reading “Ask Gabriel: Dating and Books”

Ask Gabriel: Culture and Information

Ask Gabriel: Culture and Information

Ask Gabriel is an advice column series where you can get your questions answered about being transgender, coming out, changing your name, hormones, sexuality, representation, dating, etc. These are questions that have been submitted to me by transgender and nonbinary people! You can read my last column here.

Hi Gabriel,

I’m scared, I’m a nonbinary lesbian and I like the feeling I get when I dress more masculine. I can’t buy any because I still live with my parents and they think I’m a girl and think I choose to be this. They don’t use my pronouns which are they/them. I don’t remind them cos I feel like there’s no point in doing it. They support Trump and my mom has yelled at me for looking the least bit masculine. She’s even yelled at me that you can’t “change to be a boy”. I’m a girl and that’s it. It’s pretty transphobic what she says sometimes and I don’t know what to do. She’s not like being gay is a sin but she thinks it’s a Choice. I have anxiety and it’s hard, I like feeling feminine sometimes but I like the illusion of a flat chest. I don’t know what to do. – Anonymous

Well unfortunately, there’s not much you can’t do to convince them if you have already tried. You can lead them to resources and articles that disprove what they say but they need to actually make an effort to educate themselves. In other words, it’s up to them if they want to change and, by the sound of it, it looks like they are steadfast in their beliefs. The best thing you can do is show them that they are wrong through actual scientific studies, articles and leave them to reach out to you if they are interested.

Here’s one article that I would show them: Continue reading “Ask Gabriel: Culture and Information”

Ask Gabriel: Coming Out and Surgery

Ask Gabriel: Coming Out and Surgery

Hi Gabriel,

Where did you get your top surgery done? – Anonymous

Dr. Daniel Medalie from Ohio! I had to travel out of state.

Hi Gabriel,

Soo I’ve been out as transgender (ftm) for almost a year now but only a few of my friends and boyfriend know and I’ve been wanting to tell my mom but I don’t know how to tell her….any advice? – Anonymous

Well, there’s multiple ways of coming out to anyone; it all dependson your comfort with the subject and how close you are with your mother. You could tell them in a private conversation, send an e-mail or write them a letter and leave it on their nightstand.

You could simply go up, ask your mother to talk in private and then tell her straight out: “Hey mom, I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while but I’ve been scared to. But I’m ready to tell you – I’m transgender.” And let the conversation go from there, telling her how you’ve been feeling this way for some time, you’ve been going as your preferred name with your friends and boyfriend and that you’re looking to take the next steps in your transition (whatever they may be) and things along that line. This is great if you’re comfortable with confrontation and the possible repercussions that may follow.

If not, no worries – you can shoot her an-email or make a letter! What you would include in it is entirely up to you but here’s a quick example of what I would write: Continue reading “Ask Gabriel: Coming Out and Surgery”

Ask Gabriel: Doing What’s Right For You

Ask Gabriel: Doing What’s Right For You

Hi Gabriel,

How has Testosterone affected your life (positively). Did T make you more aggressive? (Asking because I want to start taking T but my parents believe that it will damage my physical and mental/emotional health) – Anonymous

Despite no longer identifying as a transgender man, I don’t regret taking testosterone.ย  Outside of the physical changes it brought on my body, taking it had a positive effect on my life. It lead to me going out more rather than being stuck on a computer. I actually want to do things in life. I made friends with other people. Started to do things I never thought I could do, such as weightlifting and making YouTube videos. See, I used to be a VERY aggressive person before I started taking testosterone actually and after a brief initial period of mood swings, which is perfectly normal because your body is adjusting to it, I have calmed down considerably. I’m not looking for fights or even engaging with nasty people like I used to. Continue reading “Ask Gabriel: Doing What’s Right For You”